Hmmmm, I wonder whom you’ve been talking to? A salesperson for load funds? My, my. Who would have guessed?

A “load” is another word for sales commission, and I’m happy to pay it to brokers or planners who give smart advice. But I see red if I’m misled, and in your case I’m practically seeing crimson.

First, some basics. Load funds can charge commissions three ways: (1) an upfront load, deducted from your investment when you buy; (2) a back-end load, subtracted from your proceeds if you sell within five to seven years; (3) a 12b-1 fee–a percentage of assets paid annually out of your fund account to cover sales and marketing costs. No-load funds, by contrast, assess no upfront or back-end sales charges and their 12b-1 fees can’t exceed 0.25 percent.

Both loads and no-loads, however, charge annual money-management and administrative fees. These fees plus the 12b-1 are lumped together and called the fund’s “expense ratio.”

I asked Bob Edwards of Investability Corp. in Louisville, Ky., to compare the 25-year cost of owning five types of funds: no-loads (he included even those with 12b-1s over 0.25 percent), back-end loads, low-loads (charging less than 4 percent upfront), midloads (charging 4.01 to 6 percent) and high loads (charging 6.01 to 8.98 percent). He assumed an investment of $300 a month with an average 10 percent return. The result? Drrrrum roll, please:

No-loads beat everything, in all time periods, with an average expense ratio of 1.21 percent. (So much for the bum info you got.)

For the first 12 years, back-end loads came in second. Then they slid to fourth place because their high average expense ratio–1.92 percent–eats into their returns.

After 15 years, midloads (1.26 percent annually) moved up to second and low-loads (1.5 percent annually) to third.

High-load funds (1.43 percent annually) started out in the cellar and stayed there.

I am retired and had no earnings in 1995. But my wife earned $10,000, so we can deduct a full Individual Retirement Account. Can I put $2,000 in my IRA and $250 in her IRA, even though I earned no money? Can I show a $2,250 deduction on my 1040A? JIM JONES, SHREVEPORT, LA.

Yes and yes. Since your wife has a paycheck and you don’t, she gets a “spousal IRA” contributionan extra $250 on top of the $2,000 she’d normally put away. That $2,250 can be split any way you both want, as long as no more than $2,000 goes into one account. Planner Peg Downey of Money Plans in Silver Spring, Md., wonders how come so much of your wife’s money is slated for your IRA rather than hers. She’s sure there’s a reason. But just in case, she plugs IRA equality for “psychic financial strength.”

I had a Teamsters job in Seattle. My pension took 15 years to be vested, but after 14 years my wife wanted to move to Kentucky and the union’s business agent said my credits were transferable to the Central States plan. So I worked almost five years there in a Teamsters job and then somewhere else. Eventually I became disabled and retired, only to learn that my credits weren’t enough. No pension, no disability coverage. DAVID ACEY, PHILPOT, KY.

Thousands of stories like yours, in the 1960s and 1970s, pushed Congress to change the pension law. Now, workers in your kind of plan must be vested after 10 years, at most. But that took effect in 1976 and you weren’t with the Teamsters then.

Back when you retired, the Central States plan required 30 years of work for people under 50 to qualify for a pension. But the agent in Seattle didn’t think to tell you or didn’t know. Nor did you meet the union’s rules for a disability pension. Teamsters benefit specialist Jim Groves says he’ll look at your case, however. Sometimes pension plans reconsider.

There’s a modern moral here. Check your pension’s written rules (you’re entitled to a copy) before moving on. Even today, while you’re owed a pension after 10 years, a union plan doesn’t have to give you credit for additional years worked under a sister union plan. That’s a rip-off the law didn’t fix.

Last month you advised a couple to use their low-interest savings to pay off their high-interest mortgage. Our savings are in an Individual Retirement Account. Is the advice the same? NOAH WILLIAMSON, MT. IDA, ARK.

Some financial setbacks left us with large debts, which we’ve worked down to $24,000. I stick an occasional $100 into savings for emergencies and my stepdaughter’s college tuition. I now have $3,000 and want to keep it in the bank. My husband wants to use that money to pay off debt. Your reply will determine who pays for a sumptuous repast at Pizza Hut. M.A.C., SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

Half cheese, half sausage, please, and you pick up the bill. My debt guru, planner Lynn Hopewell of The Monitor Group in Fairfax, Va., says to pay off debt. When and if you need cash for college, you can tap your credit cards again. In the meantime, you’ll have saved some money on interest costs. (On second thought, make that extra cheese.)

The Williamsons, on the other hand, should not touch their IRA because of the tax cost imposed on withdrawals. An interesting question is whether to add to your IRA each year or use that money to pay down your mortgage instead. In your 30 percent bracket, your mortgage is costing you 6.48 percent after tax. Your IRA is earning 6.1 percent tax-deferred. Over the long term, the IRA contribution yields you a net gain, Hopewell says, but just barely.