Polyamory: Engaging in multiple romantic partners, with the consent of everyone involved. Typically, these relationships are both romantic and sexual. Monogamish: You’re committed to your primary partner, but you can both have sex with other people. Usually, these outside relationships do not have a romantic connection. Swinging: Having multiple sexual partners, usually without a romantic connection. Traditionally, you and your partner will “swap” partners with another couple, either for a night or for specific sexual acts. Relationship anarchy: Rejecting all rules and expectations that may come with a traditional monogamous relationship.
For instance, maybe you’re okay with your partner receiving oral sex, but you don’t want them to have traditional PIV sex. If that’s the case, let your partner know. Also discuss logistics, like if it’s okay to spend the night at someone else’s home, or if you can bring sexual partners back to your place.
Now’s the time to chat about how much you’re going to share with each other, too. Do you want to hear every little detail about your partner’s sexual interactions, or would you rather not kiss and tell? There’s no right or wrong answer here—it’s all about what you and your primary partner are comfortable with.
For instance, maybe you mess up and accidentally cross a sexual boundary that you and your partner set. Tell your partner right away so you can both work on reestablishing your boundaries and getting comfortable again. It’s important to be honest about your own feelings, too. If you ever feel jealous, insecure, or uncomfortable, talk to your partner about it. You can both address any negative feelings to either get back on track or set new boundaries.
Remember, hormonal birth control (like birth control pills, the IUD, the shot, etc. ) will protect against pregnancy, but won’t protect against STDs or STIs.
Also talk about the relationship status of the other partners. Is it okay to be with someone who also has a primary partner and is in an open relationship, or would you rather stick to single people? As you discuss who you can and can’t be with, remember that your other partners are people, too. Always tell them upfront about your relationship status, and respect their boundaries if they aren’t comfortable with it.
“Hey, can we talk? I think I might want to adjust some of the boundaries that we set at the beginning. I don’t really love hearing all the details about your dates, so I think we should keep some things private. ” “Do you have a second? I wanted to talk about our hookups-only policy. I think I might like it if I went on dates with other people instead of just having sex with them. What do you think?”
If you ever feel neglected or like your partner isn’t allocating enough time for you, let them know. Say something like, “Hey, could we check in? I feel like we haven’t been spending enough time together, and I’d really like to reconnect. ”
“I know it’s no big deal, but I’m feeling a little bummed about how much fun you and your date had together last week. I could use some reassurance from you. ” Jealousy often stems from our own insecurities, so it’s important to work on your self-esteem and love yourself first before heading into an open relationship.
An open relationship can only work if it’s meeting the needs of both partners. If it’s not working for either one of you, then it’s time to change things.
