They voiced their true feelings to Mumsnet, under username Lavawater, as they asked: “How do you feel about your stepchildren?”
They stated they’re “young” to be a stepparent, and as such had few friends in similar situations who could sympathize or share advice.
The parent claimed only one of their friends had stepchildren, and they have an “amazing relationship,” with that stepmom treating them as if they were her own, a stark contrast to their own experience.
Stepfamilies, or blended families, are much more common than they were a few decades ago.
Despite that, it still presents unique challenges for both the adults and children, with website Helpguide.org acknowledging merging families is “rarely easy.”
The site echoed some of the Mumsnetter’s feelings, saying: “Don’t expect to fall in love with your partner’s children overnight. Get to know them. Love and affection take time to develop.”
There are other issues to consider, as the site continued: “A step-parent may feel anxious about how they compare to a child’s natural parent, or may grow resentful if the stepchildren compare them unfavorably to the natural parent.”
The website shared advice on how to navigate new relationships, including where the stepchildren only visit, rather than live with their new stepparent.
The site recommended having the stepparent take on the role of “friend or counselor” rather than disciplinarian.
“Let the biological parent remain primarily responsible for discipline until the step-parent has developed solid bonds with the kids,” it stated.
One tip the Mumsnetter could implement, if they haven’t done so already, is setting aside a designated space for their stepchildren.
“If some of the kids ‘just visit,’ make sure they have a locked cupboard for their personal things. Bringing toothbrushes and other ‘standard fare’ each time they come to your home makes them feel like a visitor, not a member of the blended family,” Helpguide.org said.
In the post, the parent admitted: “I struggle when they’re with us, I struggle to build a relationship with them, I look forward to them going home when they’re here.
“They’re OK kids but raised differently to how I raise my DC and that makes matters more complex.
“But I do fantasize about it just being me and DC in my home sometimes—it almost feels like they’re guests and I’m uncomfortable when they’re here, which sounds awful.”
They confessed their thoughts were troubling them, adding: “I’m starting to feel horrible for feeling like this and I’m curious to see how abnormal this is amongst other stepparents.
“How do you feel about your DSC? Do you enjoy having them there / love them etc? Or am I not too horrific?”
The post, which can be read here, amassed more than 135 responses since being shared at the end of August.
Fellow Mumsnetters praised the parent for their honesty, as they shared similar feelings.
Stepmumspacepodcast wrote: “You’re entirely normal! Please don’t think you’re an awful person. Being aware of your feelings and accepting them is so important. Can you put your finger on exactly what it is which is making you feel like this and is there anything which would help the situation for you?”
ASofaNearYou said: “I feel all the things you feel so you’re normal in my book!”
SudocremOnEverything commented: “I agree that how you feel is totally normal. And it ok to feel that way. Apparently it takes on average about seven years for a stepfamily to form to the extent that it feels comfortable and like it actually works. Fast families can do it in about four but many families take much longer than this.”
And Harryclr added: “I feel the same as you. Totally normal and doesn’t make you a bad person.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
