This week, the President and I will be holding a White House Conference on Teenagers. We’ll be joining other parents, teenagers and experts to talk about how we can all work together to help families navigate this critical period in their lives.
Why a Conference, and why now? Well, ask any teen: growing up today feels tougher than ever. While the cases may be extreme, the tragedies at Columbine High School last spring, and just recently at the National Zoo, are chilling reminders of the stress, alienation and violence that can overwhelm a troubled teen. And if it’s tough to be a teen these days, it’s even tougher to be a parent. More and more parents are working outside the home, and struggling every day to meet their responsibilities. Parents tell me they worry that all their best efforts to create a world of love and support at home might be useless, when our popular culture continues to depict a world of gratuitous sex and violence. They’re worried about their teens’ choices, how the bright future they envisioned for them can disappear with a single bad decision to drink, to try drugs, to trust the wrong person.
One theme we will be discussing at the Conference is the critical role parents can–and should–play in their teenagers’ lives. What parent of a teenager hasn’t felt that pang when a child who once couldn’t be pried out of his mother’s lap is now embarrassed to be in the same room with her? But studies are showing that for all their protest and swagger, teenagers need–and want–the everyday love, involvement and discipline of their parents.
Sometimes, even modest efforts to reach out to your teenager can make a tremendous difference. When Chelsea had to stay up all night adding footnotes to a research paper in high school, she appreciated our willingness to stay up with her, even though we were useless when her computer became temperamental. When she became a vegetarian, the three of us bought vegetarian cookbooks. When she was getting ready for college, we went shopping for extra-long sheets, shower caddies and all those other necessities of dorm life.
I believe that one of the biggest casualties of modern life–of fast food, TV and more stressful days at work for parents–has been family time, the time during meals, for instance, when parents and children can check in with each other. Before Chelsea left for college, she, Bill and I made it a priority to share at least one meal together every day. That half-hour in the small kitchen of our private quarters of the White House was always my favorite part of the day.
Now, with three thousand miles between us, the three of us try to talk on the phone as often as possible. Of course, it isn’t quite the same. You can’t always count on a busy college junior to be in her room when you call. And chatting across a continent is nothing like chatting across a dinner table. You can’t watch your daughter’s eyes light up as she describes an interesting lecture or a fun activity. But one thing remains the same. Chelsea knows that whenever she needs to talk, to ask for advice or just to say hello, we will always be available and eager to listen.
We hope that the White House Conference will help more parents remain involved in their teenagers’ lives. Three years ago, we held the first-ever White House Conference on Early Learning to raise awareness about the new research showing the critical brain development that takes place during the first three years of life. Now scientists are beginning to learn that the brain goes through another–equally crucial–growth spurt during the early teenage years. We hope to help more parents use this still-evolving research to make the most of their relationships with their teens.
Most of all, we hope the Conference will inspire all Americans to take concrete steps to give working parents the tools they need to stay active and involved in their teenagers’ lives. I urge lawmakers to extend the Family and Medical Leave Act so that parents can take the time they need to take their children to the doctor, or to attend teacher conferences and other activities. Businesses can do their part by giving parents flexible work schedules. The entertainment industry can develop a voluntary uniform ratings system, and technology companies can devise programs to help parents supervise what their teens see on TV, at the movies and on the Internet.
The time between childhood and adulthood is pivotal. The choices teens make, the values they adopt now can determine whether they become happy and productive citizens. Together we can help them to make choices that are good for them, and for all of us.
